Waiting is so hard!

I’m due with my first baby in less than two weeks, and I’m tired of being pregnant. Not for the usual physical reasons either. While I’m a blob, smell funny, and have to get out of bed multiple times to pee, I’ve had an uncomplicated pregnancy and have been relatively active. So the physical aspect hasn’t been as bad as I imagined. I think the weather has really helped though. It has started to cool off at night so I’ve been sleeping way better and therefore been in a better mood/ more able to cope with the physical aspects of pregnancy.

What I don’t know how to deal with is the waiting. I’m big on planning and being on time. I enjoy making to-do lists more than actually accomplishing what’s on them. What I can’t handle is not knowing exactly when this baby is coming. Apparently he could show up between now and Thanksgiving during any oddball time of the day or night.

I had a goal to keep the place spotless from 38 weeks on so it would be ready for the baby. Well I’m 38 weeks and 1 day and already I haven’t been sticking to that goal. It’s just not practical. There will always be a bit of dirty laundry or a few crumbs on the floor. That thought alone bothers me. Maybe if I lived alone it might be easier to keep the place clean because I only have to pick up after myself. My husband isn’t extremely messy in theory, but he has a habit of leaving used cups in his man cave and dropping used clothes in all sorts of random locations. Then he has the nerve to get mad at me when the vacuum is left out just one time. I’ll save that story for another time.

While I can physically keep myself occupied, mentally I’m a wreck. I can’t focus on anything in particular, so I try to think of a gazillion things at once and give myself a headache. It hasn’t helped that the mommies in my online group have started to have their babies early. While I am excited to meet my baby, I have to get him out first. I am NOT looking forward to that at all. That’s another thing I don’t know. I don’t know how I’ll feel, how long it will last, etc. It sucks and makes me a nervous wreck which is counter productive. The tension will make any pain worse. I’m hoping that once I’m in active labor and able to count something I’ll at least be able to mentally relax a bit.

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