Train your birth partner to count correctly!

So when it came time for the delivery the nurse had Tommy count to 10 as I pushed through my contractions. BIG MISTAKE. I’m not sure if the nurse was tired, daydreaming, or what, but Tommy’s idea of 10 seconds was far from accurate. Ten seconds to him was like 15 seconds in real life. That may not sound like a huge difference, but when you are supposed to hold your breath during those 10 seconds and push a bowling ball out of your ass, you start to notice and get really annoyed.

Tommy would start counting a good 2 or 3 seconds after I had started pushing, and he would count extra slow. I even told him to shut up at some point but the nurse told me it was important that someone count aloud so she could monitor the progress or something. I don’t remember. I just know that I was mad. I had to listen to his monotonous inaccurate counting for three hours. Oh and that’s the other thing. He sounded like the most boring robot ever built. Do yourself a favor and bring a recording of some guy with a cute British accent counting to ten accurately. Have your partner just hit the play button over and over again. I’m sure your pushing stage will be much more pleasant.

Later Tommy told me that he was “trolling” me and that he did this on purpose to amuse himself. I wish that was the case, because then I could do something to teach him a lesson. Unfortunately, I really think he was trying to count properly and just sucked at it. So I didn’t really do anything about it.

That being said, I was impressed that Tommy did take things seriously when necessary and that he was focused on me the entire time. Everyone else’s focus was split between me and the baby. When the baby came out an had to be examined first before being handed to me, Tommy was the only one who stayed by my side.

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